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| 08:45pm 19/03/2006 |
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mood:  crappy
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So today is a very I don't wanna do anything sorta day. I don't even know why. I'm not tired, I'm not hungover. I'm just I don't know. I am usually that way after drinking though.
So I have decided that I am not going to drink for awhile. I can't control what comes out of my mouth, I am annoying, stubborn, and just not fun. I use to be fun when I was drinking. Oh well drinking is out for awhile.
I feel as if I screwed everything up. I hope I didn't but I'm sure I did, I usually do. I really wish things where the same but I guess change is a part of life and I just need to accept it. However I don't know if I am ready to accept it. I am usually open to change but I don't think I am ready for it yet. I guess there isn't much I can do.
Today wasn't bad. I am a bit of a dirtbag but whatever. I went to Megans and Elliotts that's always great. I love them they always make me happy. They bought me pencil leads it was so nice of them. It made me happy (clearly it don't take much). There is nothing I can say that can explain how much I need them in my life right now. I don't know what I did when I wasn't as close with them.
So I don't really know what else to say I just figured I am abusing my Live Journal privileges by reading other people journals and never updating my own. |
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| Happy Valentines Day!!! |
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| 08:18pm 14/02/2006 |
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mood:  blah music: Sugar Where going down - Fall Out Boy
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Happy Valentines Day!!!!
So it’s Valentines Day. The day when loved ones exchange all manner of gifts, including chocolates, flowers, cuddly toys, and cards. It is the one day of the year when you feel wanted. A pink sugar-coated happy day that brightens up the dullest part of winter.
This is all great when you have someone to share that crap with. I usually ignore any significance that Valentines Day might have. It’s usually really easy since it's just another excuse for companies to attempt to get you to buy large quantities of overpriced, badly made and tacky products. Pam and I would make a well thought out and planned CD and listen to it most of the night, well talking about things that made us feel better.
However the past two years I have decided that ignoring the holiday doesn’t work any better then actually acknowledging its existents. (Even though it’s still a really shitty holiday when you are alone, it reminds you of things you want but can’t have and how gutless you really are.) I’m not very good at the whole being depressed thing because well I’m a fairly happy person, So I have decided that it would be more fun to tell my friends how much I love them.
So here’s a big I LOVE YOU to all my friends. Most of you are great, to the ones that aren’t I don’t really love you but I do like you (sometimes). |
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| Pointless Entry . . . |
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| 05:15am 12/02/2006 |
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mood:  awake music: Academy is ... - Down and out
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So Dad lied it was a slow night (this is why I am home at 4:19) So tonight was a little fun, in an odd sort of way.
It started when I went to pick up some guy on Frazer Rd and I made dad spend 10 Minutes trying to explain where the guy lived (Funny part was that I knew along, I just wanted to see how bad dad was at explaining things. It's really funny because I think he picks the oldest person he knows and says hey you know so and so. . . They live there, and I'm all like "No, I really don't. I'm not that old." Then he gets really frustrated and tries someone else. It's really great.
Then I went to Chantells and the "Other" cab was in front of me the whole way, so me and the person I had in the car decided to talk about the "other" cab and I found out that the "Other" cab has 2 owners. It's like a partnership. So I don't really get that, they don't get enough business for 2 people to make money off of the "company". So then I laughed A LOT. After I was done laughing I proceeded to discuss how the other cab must only make $70 a week. Which means they have to pay a driver, so there goes $20 of the $70? Then they have to put gas in the car, so there goes $40. So therefore they make $10 a week. Then they have to split it (because it is a partnership) so they make $5 each/ Week.
At first I felt a little bad about this, but then I was thinking it's there own fault.
So then I was coming up Fernwood Drive and I seen the cops, meanwhile I was driving 80 in the 30 zone. However, they didn't pull me over, but seeing the cops lead to the conversation of the high school (because that’s were they where parked). So I have learned that the high school was broken into Friday night. Someone climbed up and cut the wire for the security System and broke in. I don't know what was stolen because Doug didn't give Scary Mary anymore information then that, he was going to but he got interrupted by official Police business (hahaha it makes him sound important).
I picked up one of my old teachers (She was like my Grade 2 teachers [Mrs. Renard]) and she was loaded. It was the first time I heard a real teacher swear meaning they really are real people (no the fact that she was drunk wasn't good enough I had to hear her swear). It was great. She was all like "you know you where a really good student, one of the memorable ones." Then she paused. Then she was like "you know what though (and she got all excited and moved up in her seat) and she was like "I remember that class and I really didn't like one of my students, and it was the only student that I actually disliked, and I worked with his mom I was supposed to like him but I couldn't force myself to do it there was just something about him." Then she stopped and looked at me really seriously and said "Where is Scott Fisher now?" and I really wanted to laugh.
Anyway that was really great. So Kirk told me he is coming home this weekend. I was really excited, not because it's Kirk, but because he wants to go drinking. This means I am going drinking next weekend. So I've come to believe that I like drinking a little bit more then I like Kirk. This would be sad if I didn’t like Kirk at all. I think if Kirk wasn't coming home there would still be Vodka in my near future because Jake and Pam have been bugging me for like 3 weeks now to go drinking with them.
So I think I Should go to sleep now, but I don't really want to. So maybe I won't. It will forever be a mystery. Well not really because you know I have to sleep at some point. Although I wonder how long I can function without any sleep at all. I should try it some time. Who wants to try not sleeping with me? We can drink coffee (although I don't like coffee).
So if I thought someone was still up I would go to Tim Horton’s. I found out from Heather that at 5 or 6:00 they put out all the new baked stuff, and everything is still warm and really fresh because it was just baked. However, I assume no one is still up because well it is late and most people go to bed at a normal time. Also even if they were up, why would they want to leave there nice warm houses and travel in a cold car (until it heated up) just to get a warm Baked good. Hahahah It's sad because I can so see me doing that this summer.
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| Procrastinating 101 |
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| 01:58am 08/02/2006 |
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mood:  productive music: Seasons - The Academy Is...
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Hey,
Wow it's been a long time since I updated this with a real entry.
I am supposed to be studying. Yeah see how well that’s going. I have decided studying don't work for me.
So far I have made supper, studied for an hour, went to my pops too "fix" his TV. It was really great I pressed 2 buttons and the TV was "working" again. Someone hit the auxiliary button on the remote.
So anyway, then I went to dads and gave him the taxi and told him I won't be driving until Saturday (which I don't think I will drive Saturday either because I am leaning towards drinking. However I don't think that’s going to work out because it's the other drivers B-day and I think he is going to want to drink, so that means I will be driving, which is really sad because I have an exam in Grand Falls at 9:00 Saturday morning and driving means I will be up until 5 or 6 in the morning picking up the Alcoholics of Botwood) So I was leaving Dads and was going to my car which was in his neighbors driveway, I step onto the snow bank 'Thought: this is like when we use to play king of the castle when we where younger. Thought ended.' So I step down onto the pavement and it's a big patch of Ice. I fell and it was really funny because Pam and Vanessa (who where in the car waiting to go to Tim Horton’s) seen me standing on top of a snow bank and then it was like I disappereared. I think you had to be there.
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Snowball Fight (planned snowball fights are not so good but unexpected snow ball fights are great,
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Sliding (We took all those signs for some reason)
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Build a Fort and a Snowman (kind of already did the snowman)
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Skating
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King of the castle. I think that’s it but I could be wrong.
Anyway back to my night of procrastinating
So after that we go to Tim Horton’s. I think it was old people day because there where a lot of smelly old people there (not that all old people smell, just some of them) so we decided not to stay long. So therefore that makes my Tim Horton’s story short.
So we left and I went home to study.
However, when I got home House was on. So then I was forced to watch House (I studied in between commercial breaks. Yay me!) So after House is the Gilmore Girls so I had to watch that, and that brings me up to now. I was thinking I should update my live journal and tell people how well I procrastinate. I think I have it mastered.
So list of weekend things I would like to do:
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I want to go bowling,
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I also want a decent movie to be playing in Theatres,
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I want to go drinking,
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I want to play a real game of cranium (with people who have enthusiasm, no offence to people who don't),
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I would like to finish the risk game so I can kick all your Ass' and take over the Land of the Lord of the Rings (If I was one of those Lord of the Rings Nerds I would know it's name),
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I would also like to go to St. John's to go shopping (because shopping in Grand Falls isn't good),
I think that about covers it. However I could be wrong. I'm sure there are more things.
So I think I am going to go study now or Bed (haha Bed is the best way to procrastinate).
Ashley
*If anyone is lame like me and wants to watch the Ad's that aired during the superbowl go here: http://superbowl.break.com/superbowl/superbowl.html |
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| Santa . . . . |
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| 02:06am 05/02/2006 |
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mood:  happy
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www.santabot.com
Go here and talk to santa, it's great.
You: Santa do you wear thongs? Santa: Only when I dress up You: How often do you dress up? Santa: Hourly
Go try it |
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| 01:16am 09/01/2006 |
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mood:  curious music: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days
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It's 1:00am. I here a noise. It's Mom's cell phone. Moms asleep so I answer it.
Me: Hello Woman: Put timmy on the phone Me: Who? Woman: Timmy Me: whos timmy? Woman: Put timmy on the phone you fucking whore Me: You have the wrong number Her: Your just covering up for him Her: Put timmy on the phone Me: This is Craigs and Dianes cell phone Her: Your probably the one he's sleeping with Her: Now put timmy on the phone Me: YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER Her: Shut up Bitch, I know how to dial numbers now put timmy on the phone Me: You have the wrong number Her: Bitch
End of conversation
I think Timmy's in Trouble.
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| 01:10am 19/12/2005 |
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Your Elf Name Is...
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Booty Slave O' Santa
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You Are a Bright Christmas Tree
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For you, the holidays are all about fun and seasonal favorites.
You are into all things Christmas, even if they're a little tacky.
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Your Christmas Song Is
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All I Want for Christmas Is You
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true...
All I want for Christmas is
You
You only want one thing for Christmas
Love from one special person - and you've got it!
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Your Christmas is Most Like: A Very Brady Christmas
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For you, it's all about sharing times with family.
Even if you all get a bit cheesy at times.
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You Are Dancer
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Carefree and fun, you always find reasons to do a happy dance.
Why You're Naughty: That dark stint you had as Santa's private dancer.
Why You're Nice: You're friendly. Very friendly.
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Your 2005 Song Is
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Mr. Brightside by The Killers
"It started out with a kiss
How did it end up like this
It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss"
Let's just say you're happy to be done with 2005!
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| 01:45pm 09/12/2005 |
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So this is going to be a very short entry as I have an exam in a half an hour. I should be studying, but i'm not really in the mood.
I miss you so much. I just want to come home. I'm sick of St. John's and all the stuff that comes along with it like roomates, leases, landlords, student loans, radiation, chemotherapy, school, exams. Life at home is so much easier.
I guess I should also mention due to the fact that my pop isn't comming out now I have to figure out a way to get my stuff home. I think I have found away but i am going to be stuck in St. John's longer. Also due to the lease problem I was going to have to be here longer anyway. So I am looking at the 20th or the 21st before I can leave.
I miss you a lot, I wish I could quit school now and come home.
Ashley |
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| Seems like my lifes about to change . . . |
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| 01:27am 15/10/2005 |
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mood:  contemplative music: Change your Mind - Crush
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I am back in St. John's. The weather was nice on the way out but WOW longest drive ever. I know the distance didn't increase between Botwood and St. John's but the drive today seemed to last forever. It’s probably because I really didn't want to come back because I have so much work to do this week. This is going to be my last form of contact with anyone until next Friday.
So well driving for four and a half hour yesterday I has a lot of time to think. I have realized how much my life has changed since highschool (I passed a bus). I never feared change but I never embraced it either. Suddenly change is the enemy and I try to cling onto the past, but soon realize that the past is drifting away and there is nothing to do but stay where I am or move forward.
"I'm Finally Content with the past I regret"
Life in highschool was so much simpler. I never had to worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for myself. My life revolved around my friends and my family but overtime that changed too. Day by day nothing seemed to change and then you just wake up one morning and everything is completely different. People change, most of the friends I had in highschool I rarely talk to. It isn't because there was an argument or anything. It's just, we grew apart. Our interest, attitudes, belief, and behaviors had changed. These changes have created differences that we just can't get past. We are on separate paths. As much as I miss a lot of my highschool friends I know we can never have what we had back then.
"It's about life, It's about love, It's over before it has begun"
After highschool I realized that life is more than keeping a score. It's not about how many people call you. It isn't about whom you've kissed or who’s kissing whom, what sport you play, or which guy likes you. It's not about grades, money, clothes, or how accepted or unaccepted you are. I have realized that life is more than this. Life is about whom you love and whom you hurt. How you feel about yourself. Life is about sticking up for your friends. It's about avoiding jealousy, and building confidence. It's about what you say and what you mean. Most of all it "isn't about living without problems it's about solving problems."
" Everything been rearranged. Enough to last for a life time, seems like the right time for me to change."
I have realized that my life has changed more in the past month or two then it has in the past two years. My opinions have gotten stronger. I see what others are doing and find myself judging more then usual because I am constantly adding things to my list of what is acceptable and what isn't. I have come to the conclusion that friendships are not all about Rainbows and laughter and even your closest friend will let you down.
"I'm seeing in me now the things you swear you saw yourself"
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there to serve some sort of purpose I wish this was the case. I wish I knew right away that I needed you, but when we first met I pushed you away, I would not open up. I just kept you on the "back burner." I don't know why I did this but I am really truly sorry. These past weeks have been great. I have found that are friendship grew closer, but I have never told you how much it means to me that you were there. You have helped me deal with life. When I had to follow new directions, you helped me by listening. Nothing I can say would express how I fell. All I can say is Thank you for being there. You’ve been a great friend. If you ever need to talk, I am here for you no matter what time, I am only a phone call away.
Ashley |
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| Eventful week. . . Well not really but more exciting then usual. |
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| 01:55pm 06/10/2005 |
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mood:  excited music: Andy, Your A Star - The Killers
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Hey,
So this week was kinda fun. Amanda came out from Botwood Sunday and we havn't really stopped much since she got here.
Given that she got here on Sunday, and Sunday is a pretty boring day, athen sunday was pretty boring. We watched some TV, Ate some supper, then went to Walmart where I bought New sneakers, sneakers is something new to me I generally don't where them, but I think I like them. So anyway after going too 2 different Walmarts we decided to go home. ( I told you Sunday was boring)
So onto Monday. Monday I had to Go to school, Blah, Blah, Blah. I went to the Libary. I hate the Libary, but If I didn't go then I would fail the test I have on friday. So after school I went to starbucks. I <3 starbucks. Then we went back to my house and then we went to the village. I bought a new purse. I like it, it has pink on it, but it don't hold very much stuff, but it don't need to because I don't have very much stuff. Well at the village amanda realized that she didn't have her cell phone (her new cell phone) So we left the villlage in hopes to find it at my house. Guess what? It wasn't there. I phoned it and some random girl answered and was like "is this your phone?" and I was like" yes it is" so the girl brought it to us. She was nice. So after that we got Janelle and went to the Avalon Mall. We didn't really do much there just browsed. Then we went home and got some food. Fixed Adam's resume. Then went back to the mall to have coffee with Janelle.I don't like coffee but thats ok. Amanda bought some pants, I returned some pants. Then home.
Now Tuesday. Tuesday we went to Stavanger. It was kinda boring but i got new pants and a new belt. I guess thats exciting. After that we went back home and got some supper. Amanda went out with her friends for coffee, so I talked to steve, I was supposed to study but steve was more exciting. I learned that if you places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. How fun is that. I want to try it. So after talking to steve for a bit I stuided for awhile. Then amanda came back. When She got back we went to look at where she is going to live. It was a nice house, I have been there before because it's mom's boyfriends niece. I went there with mom and craig before. Then we went back home and watched the Gilmore Girls. I love the Gilmore Girls.
Wednesday. I went to School again. Then I went to my science lab. We went to signal hill on a hike. Oh the fun. it was cold, wet and long. We where looking and observing rocks. ok so i will give you an idea of how fun it was. Go outside on a cold and wet day find a pile of rocks and look at them for 2 and a half hours. There you go thats the excitement of my field trip. At the end of the field trip there was a hill and the hill was like this:
_______Bus / / /<- Once you get here you have to run because otherwise you will fall back down the hill / / __/
Yeah so you can only imagine the fun. I came home from my horrible, horrible field trip. and went to DQ for supper. It was ok but nothing extremly special. Then we went back to Stavenger to go to the Price Club. It was fun. Good samples. After stavenger we went back to the malls again, amanda was looking for some shoes. She didn't find them. Then after the malls we came back home.
Thursday. Well thats today. Nothing exciting so far. Brought Amanda to the bus at really earlier today. The internet works now so I can talk to people. I have to pack, to come home tomorrow. I have to wash some clothes and I have to study.
So anyway I am comming home tomorrow. YAY, I can't wait. I have so much stuff to do today though so I really should be thinking about it. Which I think i will go and start some of the stuff that I have to do.
Ashley |
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| College Daze |
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| 03:43am 02/10/2005 |
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mood:  blah music: Fated - Matthew Good Band
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Yay for me I learned how to use this thingy. Well kind of. I have a background that’s a start. Not the one I wanted but I couldn’t get the one I wanted to work but its ok I am over it.
So my internet won’t work if other people are using it. When my roommates use the internet I can’t use the web but I can get on MSN and use limewire. I don’t really get it and if someone feels so inclined to explain it to me feel free to do so.
So Boredom is seeping into my body. I was so bored today that I did homework. I really don’t enjoy homework and generally try to avoid doing it but I was so bored that I wanted to do it. How sad is that. I however did get bored after 15 minutes of homework but I kept going because I have a lot to do before I come home on Friday. There was some excitement in my day. I went to Starbucks and well Starbucks is always exciting. I also went to Toys R Us which is almost as exciting as Starbucks. I played with all the toys and I think I embarrassed Steve, but he asked for it because he is the one who wanted to go to Toys R US. That’s pretty much it. You are all now extremely jealous over my super exciting day
Oh wait I went to Value Village today to look at Halloween costumes. I don’t know what I want to be. Probably because I don’t know what I am doing for Halloween. I know I will be in Botwood.
So what’s the plan for this weekend guys? What do you want to do? I want to do something fun, really, really fun. Like I don’t know what, but something that doesn’t involve hanging out in Botwood and watching a movie or driving around or parking. So think about it and get back to me. I am hoping that a good movie will be playing. Feel free to say nothing because I have other plans if you want. I can hang out with Megan, and Elliott, They like me.
Ok so that’s it for now. My first journal thing is pretty boring but it’s also like 3:33am so it’s allowed to be. |
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